The Ballad of Snuggle McDuffins

Author Unknown

June 3, 2023

There once lived a black bear named Snuggle McDuffins,
Who made trouble for some Irish villagers.
Each night he would come and steal their fresh muffins,
He protested that he needed them for winter. End of discussion.

Finally, one day, the Islanders had had enough,
And so, they sent their bravest warriors up to his cave,
Thinking perhaps that if they sent someone tough,
That McDuffins would be scared and give up.

McDuffins knew of their plan,
They had tried this before,
So, when the warriors came up—their whole clan,
He frightened them with a roar and a wave of his hand.

McDuffins laughed to himself,
What a silly idea!
They could not best him!
The muffins were his and he possessed them.

And so, for a bit, the Irish let him off the hook,
But after a while they were angry again,
So, this time they sent a philosopher to riddle him from his book,
And if the bear lost, he would give back the muffins he took.

But Snuggle McDuffins had heard of this trick,
So, when the philosopher loftily strode up to his door,
McDuffins yelled, “I challenge you to a battle of wits!”
And McDuffins won, for his mind was quick.

McDuffins laughed to himself,
What a silly idea!
They could not best him!
The muffins were his and he possessed them.

Soon the Islanders were annoyed once more,
So, they asked the local priest to try and convert him,
Perhaps if he promised
To become Catholic, he would harm them no more.

But Snuggle McDuffins knew what he was up against,
And when the priest rode his donkey to the cave, McDuffins said,
I’m sorry sir, but you can’t convert me, for I’m protestant,
You don’t scare me—now please exit.

McDuffins laughed to himself,
What a silly idea!
They could not best him!
The muffins were his and he possessed them.

Eventually, the Irish decided to stop,
Maybe someday the bear would learn some manners.
But when they were asleep one night, a little child crept to the top,
Of the mountain and entered the cave where McDuffins was eating nonstop.

The child walked in and suddenly hugged the black bear!
McDuffins looked down and was caught by surprise,
Was that a child standing there?
Why should a child, about him, care?

Then a thought popped into McDuffins’ head,
What if this was another one of the villagers’ plans?
But no—for who would send a child to plead for their bread?
So McDuffins grudgingly patted her and sent her back to bed.

All night McDuffins tossed and turned until he came up with a solution.
He would give them back their muffins and steal no more,
For truthfully, he was a softy inside, and so he gave up his persecution,
And thankfully, the Irish accepted him and his contribution.

McDuffins smiled to himself,
What a good idea!
They Irish did not arrest him!
The muffins were theirs and in return they blessed him.