Andrew Maust, Conqueror of Porkypines
Andrew Maust is up next
On our lista de Bold Conquests
For he discovered
Creatures and other
Amazingly random texts
Andrew is known by the young of our ranks
To have taught of the porkypine.
That terrible creature, with terrible powers,
And three million and seven spines.
These horrible predators scared the lights
Out of Waldo, monsters, and Bruce Lee;
They thought of homework, geometry proofs,
And the success of Spears, Brittany.
They froze people’s faces in terror and screams
The spat acid spit and they have laser eyes
But their biggest achievement was procrastination—
Yes! That’s from porkypines!
Not only of evil, but also of good
Did this kind young man tell to all.
He voiced that the kinkajous, the lemur ninjas,
Were ready to fight at a call.
They were the ones who kept Clinton out
Of the Oval office in 2000
They were the ones who ensured that Pacman
Fought four ghosts instead of a thousand.
Kinkajous keep the world a safe place;
Safe is relatively.
They keep Davy Jones submerged for ten years,
Made Joker stay out of Batman 3
“They eat porkypines for breakfast,” he says,
“Because they’re really that tough.
They have ninja swords and bazookas;
Do you feel safe?” Safe enough.