Baconypines
Similar to porkypines and chameliollamasauruses. Kinkajous and marshmallows are their mortal enemies.
Baconypines
Baconypines are monsters that appear similar to porkypines, but do not mistake them: baconypines are very different. First, they look like this:
Those teeth are as fearsome as they seem. They are coated with tiny Velcro-like hooks that stick to anything... PERMANENTLY. The baconypine's tail is poisonous like a scorpion, and they hate all things healthy. Broccoli is their worst enemy. Human health in general? They despise it. But their greatest weakness is the simple confectionery wonder that is a marshmallow. Thrown properly, if the marshmallow sticks on a spine, the baconypine will promptly explode with embarrassment. The leftovers is a pile of bacon covered with marshmallow.
Baconypines inhabit Upper Manhattan. Not the northern part; the gravitationally upper zone, usually above the 4th floor.
Primary source: Lace Zuehlsdorff
Baconypines seem to be mostly ignored by NSA. We don’t seem to know much about them so I am conducting a study of them. I will keep a log of my studies and place each day’s entry here:
Day 1, October 30th, 2015, 10:03 A.M. I leave today right after lunch which is fast approaching. I have made all the preparations for my first trip into the deep North. I have a bag of marshmallows just in case, and some rope, a machete, enough food for tonight and two days after (I hope to find some food for myself while there), and a few things to help me restrain a baconypine. I also have a copy of the notes we already have from Lace Zuehlsdorff. I will be headed into the High North to study these creatures. It says in Lace’s notes that they live in upper Manhattan however I believe that they first came from the mountainous regions to the north. My plan is to find one and study it in its natural habitat for as long as I can before capturing it and studying it up close. I will keep this journal as best I can so I can put it in the great book of knowledge.
Update: According to student Everett Segner, the king of the baconypines has recently been spotted, so watch out!
**Taken from The Great Book of Knowledge II**