Editing Eldramin (section)

== Chapter 23 ==
''Isabell''

''The darkness is thick like mud. I’m trying to move, but it feels like I’m glued in place. Maybe I’m dreaming, I can hear things a little bit. Someone is screaming, not sure who, but it doesn’t scare me. There are also these weird smells, something like iron, something that smells like flowers, something that smells like the forest, and great trees with peeling bark.''

''How long has it been black?''

''I walk through the stuff clinging to me. It’s getting harder and harder to move. Maybe I should just lie down. Something smells like smoke. For a second I can see a flash of color, brown, green, gold, red, red,'' red. 

''Where was I before this?'' 

''The darkness continues. I find the colors interesting. They come at such random intervals. It’s like a little surprise. Is this what life has always been like? I think so, the dark is all I remember.'' 

''Who am I?'' 

''It’s been so long I don’t remember who I am. Or maybe I never knew. Maybe I never was. Has this always been my existence? I thought there had been something before.'' 

''Isabell.'' 

''Where did that come from? Did someone just speak?'' 

''Isabell.'' 

''Is that a name? It sounds familiar but I don’t know. Maybe I’m imagining it.'' 

Isabell. 

''A light splits open the darkness in front of me. I scream and fall further into the blackness. It tries to swallow me.'' 

''“Don’t be afraid. You can resist it. We’re helping you.”'' 

''Where is this voice coming from? I’m sure I’ve never heard it. Or maybe I have. Is that my voice? Do I have a voice? That doesn’t matter, go to the light. The split in the darkness is smaller now, but now colors are coming through it.'' 

''I start moving to the light when I’m suddenly frozen, the cold seeping through every part of me. I gasp and shut my eyes as tremors come over me. The voice is gone. The voice lied. It didn’t help me.'' 

''The next time I open my eyes, the scene is completely different. I’m in some sort of room with a ceiling made of leaves, casting happy shadows on everything under it. There are a lot of things under it. A lot of'' people ''are under it. Not a single one of them looks familiar, but the immense look of relief on all their faces looking at me makes me think they might have been worried about me.'' 

''I try to blink away the fog in my vision and try to push myself into a sitting position, but I’m immediately hushed and placed on my back again. As I start coming to my senses, I realize the others in the room with me aren’t Eldran and they’re not speaking it either.'' 

''I stare in wonder at the centaurs- both horse and elk-, wolf, and even bird Shifters surrounding me. Their dialect is like nothing I’ve heard before and I don’t have a clue what they’re saying. Dad probably would, he’s the minister of Foreign Affairs after all, but our language lessons never got into the many Shifter languages aside from the one the Dragons and Phoenixes use, because theirs are the most likely to come in contact with.'' 

''They continue to chitter in their strange language as I lie here in confusion. This is bizarre.'' 

''Fannara''

I shot up in the bed, clenching the bedding in my fists as the heart rate monitor beeped frantically. Squeezing my eyes shut, I let myself flop back onto the bed, trying to remind myself where I was so that I could calm down. 

I was in a hospital. After I’d fallen in the lake, Moren had gotten me out and commed the university. They sent a transport to take me to the hospital where I’d been for the past two weeks. 

It wasn’t that I was hurt, at least, not anymore. But the ‘veil’ cast over my memories had metaphorically ‘torn’ when I hit the water. Now, all it took was a small trigger to send me into an old memory. The amount of times I’d blacked out because of it was an irritatingly long number that I didn’t bother counting anymore. 

Not much of what happened made much sense to me, but it explained a lot of the questions that had formed over the last few months. Why did I have headaches? That would be because my memories were trying to trigger constantly. Why did I have huge scars on my back? Because Jana tore it open as an experiment. Why was my magic so much stronger than everyone else’s? Well, unfortunately for me, because I’m the Eldramin. Almost all the questions came back to that. 

Everything that I thought I’d known for the last thirteen years of my life had been wrong. Apparently, I’d turned twenty a few months prior to the lake incident. I didn’t know much of what it meant to be Isabell Harpson, but one thing was clear; I was not what they'd hoped for. 

Carefully, I sat back up and swung my legs over the side of my bed, pulling back the sheets and making sure I didn’t mess with any of the tubes or needles sticking out of me. Gift baskets and flowers from nameless people littered the floor of the room. None of these people had known my name until I took a dive, yet they felt the need to act concerned. 

I tiptoed around the mess, trying to make my way to the window of the room. The ledge there was also full of stuff, but not from strangers. This is where I asked the nurses to put anything that my friends sent. Mara had made me a large care basket with mostly unhealthy food in it, but also several books and a massive teal sweater. I gratefully pulled it on over the thin hospital gown. It was freezing in my room, and the sweater provided both warmth and a sense of security. Getting it on around the things sticking out of my arm was a struggle, but I somehow managed. 

Sighing, I fingered through the other things accumulating around the room, plucking the glowing cards from the floral arrangements and pilling them into one of the baskets. The ridiculous amount of flowers gave off a nearly nauseating smell; I’d have to ask for those to be removed. 

A wave of dizziness reminded me that I hadn’t moved around that much in weeks. I sat back down on the bed with my legs crossed and pulled the basket of cards into my lap. Making two piles, I started tossing the cards with names I recognized into one pile and those from strangers into another. 

At first, I was shocked by how many were from my friends, but seeing as my telecom was somewhere at the bottom of the lake and I hadn’t been able to retain consciousness around them for long enough to get more than a word out, it made sense. I couldn’t remember much of what had happened the few times I’d been aware enough to register anyone in the room, and I wasn’t sure what all was real and what all were old memories. 

I grabbed one of the cards from the “not-strangers” basket and started reading. It was from Ari, telling me how she missed me that things are lonelier without me and that our room feels really empty, especially because all my stuff got packed up before I went on patrol. The next one was from Lindin, wishing me a speedy recovery and reminding me that the whole squad was with me here. Then one from Mel, Mara, Moren, Verelia, Ari again, Moren again, three more from Mara, even one from Bryce, which, admittedly, was actually very nice. 

There was a trend going on in every note. Aside from the well-wishes and mini updates about the mundane things happening, which could be found in all, none of them ever addressed me by my name. Not once did I see a Fannara or even an Isabell in any of the notes. 

It made sense, of course, I didn’t expect them to know what to say when I couldn’t maintain consciousness long enough to tell them. The decision I’d come to was this; there’s no denying I ''was'' Isabell, but who I’ve become as Fannara over the last thirteen years without any knowledge of Isabell surely outweighs any part of Izzy that remains in me. So Fannara is the reasonable and more comfortable choice. 

The door to my room clicked open, and a nurse walked in. I’d been getting better at not passing out every time I received stimuli and this nurse, Sonia, was one I had actually managed a conversation with a time or two. The number of times I'd collapsed on her was a number higher than I cared to acknowledge, but she was very gracious about it. 

She walked over to me, dodging the gift baskets strewn across the floor. “Hey, how are we feeling today?” Her expression was hopeful, and I was confident that I would not be disappointing her today by blacking out anytime soon. 

“Good…sort of. I walked around a little.” Sonia glanced around at the mess of a floor and looked back at me. 

“How?” 

I laughed a little. “I was careful, although I’ll admit I don’t think I’m quite ready to start moving around a ton.” 

She nodded, taking note of something on her telecom. “We’ll start easing you back into that once you stop passing out on our physical therapy staff.” She said it jokingly but we both knew that it was painfully true. Sonia was not the only nurse I had passed out on in the last two weeks. 

“Do you think you’re up for a visitor?”

I furrowed my eyebrows. “Who could have gotten here so quickly?” She smiled at me. 

“It’s who hasn’t left for more than a few hours at a time.” Her grin grew wider as my confusion built. 

I tried to remember anyone who had been in the room in between my bouts of unconsciousness, but I couldn’t separate what was real and what was from the past. A few things from the most recent days had stuck, like my failed attempts at walking for more than a few minutes at a time and the disaster that started when I face-planted in soup, but I couldn’t remember anyone other than the medical staff being there. I supposed that the flashes of seeing Ari and Mara in the room could have been real, but they hadn’t gotten more than a word out before I was in the past again. 

Sonia decided for me as she snapped her telecom shut and walked out of the room, just barely holding the door open with her foot. I heard her tell someone, “she’s awake, but who knows for how long” followed by the sound of someone immediately standing up. 

Pulling the massive sweater tighter around me, I shifted my position, pushing myself farther against the pillow supporting my back. I don’t know who I was expecting to walk through the door, but it definitely wasn’t who came through. 

Moren froze the second our eyes met. He held his breath as if waiting to see how long this would last before I was out cold again. While it certainly surprised me to see him, I felt totally normal. Maybe I’d run out of memories to trigger. 

I smiled at him and gave a small wave, unsure of how to respond to his sudden presence. Especially after everything that had happened, I wasn’t entirely sure how to approach talking to him, but I was only realizing that in the moment. 

Moren slowly let out his breath and put on half of a smile. “You’re actually awake, that’s a first.” I scoffed and gave him a playful glare as he walked further into the room, quickly discovering the issue of the gift baskets and flowers. He apprehensively tried to navigate the clutter, making his way towards the armchair in the near center of the mess. 

“Don’t hurt my flowers,” I warned. 

He looked up from his feet with an unimpressed expression. “Your flowers are more likely to hurt me.” I laughed at his comment and a genuine smile started creeping onto his face as he took a seat, displacing several anonymous gift packages onto the floor. “How many are there?”

I glanced at the extensive collection of bouquets and grimaced. “Too many.”

“I can tell.” Moren sighed and looked away from the clutter, facing me instead. I tilted my head in a silent question and looked right back at him. “So,,,” He tailed off, not finishing his thought before looking away again. 

I looked down and adjusted the cuff of my sleeve. “So?” Glancing over at him I realized he was looking at me again, worry evident in his eyes. I gave him a quizzical look and he sat there, unmoving. 

“Are you okay?” I was a bit taken aback by the question. Was I okay? 

Sighing, I rubbed my thighs and tried to think of a response. “Well, that depends, how do you classify ‘okay’? I haven’t died…yet, and somehow I haven’t passed out yet today, so that’s good?” The look of concern on his face was nearly laughable as he stared at me in slight horror. 

“...so I’ll take that as a no.” This time I did laugh.

“I am feeling a lot better though, so it’s all good. Anyways, how is everyone on campus?” Moren proceeded to tell me all about the different activities that had been going on and how strange– and rather boring– patrol with Verelia was. Needless to say, it was probably the best day I’d had since the whole incident at the lake, just because it was nice to hear about my friends. 

It was the best day I’d have for a while after too.